mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
COCAINE IS GR8
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
