I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
