He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
