that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
