thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
