I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
