i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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