i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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