Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
