I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
