honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
