I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i've created a new STD.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
