She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
