I'm gonna have a badass scar
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
