someone get that fucking seahorse.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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