I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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