Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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