i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
