Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
