maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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