Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
