dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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