i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
