So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
