my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
