Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
