At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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