It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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