and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
