and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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