i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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