he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
