Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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