he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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