Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
