I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize