I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
