i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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