The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
