i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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