If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
