I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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