The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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