They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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