she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
