you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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