Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
