Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
