Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
