I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
