Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
