They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
