This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
