I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
