Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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