I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
