Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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