so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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