bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize