In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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