those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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