so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
