Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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