I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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