direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
