Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
