and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
