I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
