Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
