Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
