Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
