I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
